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 No matter how deep your sorrow, you are not alone. Others have been there and will help share your load if you will let them. Do not deny them the opportunity. --Amy Hilliard Jensen
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CHILDREN AND GRIEF
by Ann Armstrong Dailey
and Richard Dietrick
There is neither a right or wrong way to approach grief. Each of us must establish our own means of dealing with it. There is, however, a pattern to resolving grief, and others have suffered losses and experienced intense grief and have survived. It is crucial that you realize you are not alone. Others care and are willing and able to help.
 Since many of us are unable to accept death, particularly in the early stages of grief, we assume that children cannot cope with it. We try to shield them from the tragedy and leave them out of the mourning and rituals associated with the death. Anxious, bewildered and alone, they cannot seek answers at a time when they most need the help and reassurance from those they love. Regardless of their abilities to express their feelings, children do suffer grief, often at a very deep level.
Children may express their grief in many ways and stages:
SHOCK: The thought of death is so overwhelming that your child will act as though nothing happened. PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS: Headaches or stomachaches can be outward signs of inner turmoil. ANGER: Your child may feel anger toward the person who died for leaving, or may get angry with God for letting that person experience pain and death. GUILT: Your child may blame himself or herself for what happened. ANXIETY AND FEAR: Children may fear that other loved ones, or himself or herself, will also die. REGRESSION: Childhood habits and behaviors, such as thumb sucking, may resurface as a coping mechanism.
SADNESS: The child may withdraw and become less active.
These are all normal reactions to trauma and should pass with time.
You can help your children deal with loss by encouraging them to ask questions, and be prepared to give honest and simple answers. When questions are asked again and again, more is being asked than the question would indicate. Share your own feelings with your child and encourage them to be open with theirs. Loving, reassuring, caring and expressing our feelings of love are extremely beneficial at a time of loss.
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Written by
Ann Armstrong Dailey and Richard Dietrick Photos courtesy of Michael Huynh and Doug Miller |
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Information about Children and Grief More Information about Children and Grief From Hospicenet The Centre for Grief Education in Melbourne, Australia, conducts bereavement support projects. Crisis, Grief, and Healing a Web project from Tom Golden, a Washington D.C. based therapist. Ann Armstrong Dailey biography from WIC |
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Read the My Hero story about Ann Armstrong-Dailey and visit the organization she founded, Children's Hospice International. |
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Last changed on:8/12/2002 10:37:03 AM
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