Panda

D'awww (http://www.chinaodysseytours.com/tours/pictures/15-days-Top-Tour-of-China-Cultural-and-Natural-Discovery/daybyday/giant-panda-breeding-research-base1-1.jpg)

This person is not actually a panda, but it is a nickname we have for each other. Sounds kinda corny, but this is a way for me to freely talk about this person without exposing that person. I respect that person's privacy and please respect mine. You will find that this essay is all over the place and I apologize. I don't know where to start and I just want pour out what I want in mind.

This person is one of the most unlikely person I would think I would end up with. He sounds like a lover and we were but when we ended, we came someone more. We became best friends and I love him. Maybe not romantically but I do. It took me awhile to know what love is and I am still learning everyday.

I found that my life is saved by two major people. My daddy, God and Panda. I believe that God is my number 1 in my life and he moves through people in my life to change me for the better and help me. Panda is one of them and he changed me a lot. Panda has been through a lot in his childhood and a rather abusive family verbally and physically. Also, Panda has a lot of medical conditions that got him in surgeries, different kinds of medicine and more. It stops him physically from playing sports and other fun activities like camping. The medicine he takes causes him to eat more and makes him gain more weight and because of the standard like people's brain about what perfection is, he is often left out and put at the bottom because of his physical looks. Because he has been betrayed a bunch of times, this causes him to just push away because it's hard to trust.

:D (http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/Science/Images/panda-1.jpg)

Through it all, he still preserves. Even myself, the first time I met him, I was not caring for his feelings or interested with what is going on in his life daily. The thing i mentioned is just a few of the things I knew that he mentioned and who knows what else he has to fight through everyday... I respect him and am proud of him to be able to fight through days of his life and put up with what he feels and the people around him in school. For people who don't know our school, it isn't the smartest or friendliest school and it can get pretty scary in this environment to be tempted to lust, drugs, alcohol and such. Not only he is a fighter but he is a great man of God. Following God and being Christian doesn't make our lives easier but harder most of the time, but we have something to live for.

He also is one of the smartest people I ever met and never tends to brag about it. He might not see it right now but he is handsome and he knows what to say to me and how to be able to deal with daily issue. He knows how to relax while I push myself to the limit. We cancel our extremes out to a balanced way of doing things.

I met him in 6th grade as a new student in Snow Elementary School. He said when he first met me, he said that I caught his attention. That might sound lustful but later on we were placed to sit in front of each other everyday at lunch. We got to know each other in those days and have laughs and talks along with other friends but I never really notice him as anything more than as a friend. I cared a lot of fitting in, getting good grades and doing good in soccer in recess. In fact, I liked someone else during that time and I didn't know he liked me. Anyway, the days went by and during 7th grade in a new big junior high, I met Eric. He was my first boyfriend and I tend to be very clingy. As a child, I do get betrayed a lot too and I thought that the title of "Boyfriend" will stay, will be perfect and all these things. I know it sounds ridiculous but that's what I wanted and think I needed it subconsciously. Long story short, he left me without saying why and all the things he told me stayed in my heart. Waiting for him everyday to come back. I knew he wasn't going to but yet I hoped. There is this moment when you are single when you are all happy and thinking to yourself "I am happy I am single" That's when Panda came and told me what he felt. I didn't believe him because he was always with his ex-girlfriend in 7th grade and I couldn't trust after my past relationship. I told him I am not going to get into a relationship, but... Yea, we did. We went out for 4-5 months starting from April 7. I broke up with him because I was losing trust during the summer with him. I can't go out of the house and I am not allowed to date so everything is very hard and careful when you are hiding this fact to very strict parents. We decided to be still friends, even though he continuously says I am sorry and I will be better, I just can't trust him. It took me a whole year of my freshman year to trust him again. Through that year, he showed me that love is forgiving but you don't have to trust immediately. Love is patient and time will heal certain hurts. Love is not lust and not always romantically. Love is respect. Sucks for him, he has to respect the fact that I want chaperons on dates. Love is God. I grew with my faith so deep that both of us talk a lot about our walk with God and how we support each other in the hard walk of God in this very dangerous and deceiving world. He also is one of the smartest people I ever met and never tends to brag about it. He might not see it right now but he is handsome and he knows what to say to me and how to be able to deal with daily issues. He knows how to relax while I push myself to the limit. We cancel our extremes out to a balanced way of doing things. He didn't really save me physically, but he saved me in the long run.

(http://critteristic.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/pandas.jpg)

A lot of people always said "Oh! you guys are perfect for each other, You guys should go out" No. I want to wait. I want to be able to gain each other's trust and learn about each other. Every single day we text (except when I go to trips with no signal) and everyday we learn something about ourselves that is new. It is amazing how we both talk so much, yet we find our views in different things in life and how we want to do things. Some of our views are different and some are the same. I am just so glad I found someone who is a friend who doesn't put me down, in fact, he inspired me to keep going for my goal as a Valedictorian and I'm his inspiration for the goal of become a doctor.

Sounds like you might also think that we are for each other. I am not sure who I want to spend my life with yet and that person will have to wait, whoever he is. We talk about it a few times but we never know. Maybe we are just meant to be just best friends but maybe we are meant for each other. I am still young and I just have to find out.

"Love is just like hide and seek. That person will be there and you know they are there. Sometimes you have to call out if you are desperate. But your heart will always find each other in the right time and you will just laugh about it." ~ Nicole